Last week, I hadn’t
intended on a “Part 2” to my post on “Takeaway.” However, this blog is about my
writing process. As such, and as I reach new plateaus, I want to pass these
nuggets on to you, because I believe there is great potential in each of us, as
creative writers. Last week, I ended my post by telling you I would revamp my
prologue to my current big project. I have done that. And this posting is about
that process.
For
starters, my writing sample has been at about 1200 words, give or take, depending
on its current revision. I revised and then took it to my local writers group
for critique. Nearly unanimous, my ten peers found my take away message to be “demanding.”
(Or as, Editor Brooke Warner says in her video, “offending”—in a good way, kind
of offending.)
My
writer friends suggest I change many of my “You” statements to “We statements” for
two strong reasons. One being, my prologue opens in third person, ending in
first person. I have a smooth transition between the two POVs, however, the “You”
implies an imposing third POV; much too confusing to my readership. The second
reason is that I may cause a reader to argue, should they have not ever have
felt before, as I have.
First,
to address their opening concern. It is true, and I side with the “rule” to not
give head spinning POVs. If you are writing a piece—all in one POV—then yes, “You”
statements will work, because it uses the reader to switch from fact to
feeling. That’s personally profound.
If the
reader is already switching from, say facts to circumstances, the “You are” or “You
will” or “You feel” makes the reader stop to wonder what just happened? The
best approach, when two POVs are included, is to use “We” statements. The
reason for this is because the reader is already taking our message in through
plural means, and “We” is plural, unlike the singular “You.” That flows
smoothly.
I pulled
this paragraph out of my revision, as an example for you:
It is true, when we are in
a situation of dependence on another person, our old life has been abandoned,
in favor of complete trust in that person for how our existence will unfold. Locked
into their era, we are bound and dated by their best judgement for our
well-being. All we have left of our own are littered thoughts, scrambled by the
events of the day in which we were captured by the complexities of surrender.
It is a begging question of where to belong, and where to end up.
One
exception (of few exceptions) to the “You” statements is when “you” is used
generically and not specifically at the reader. What do I mean by this? Here is
an excerpt from my writing sample:
Like a seaman from a
fishing boat who has gone overboard, you try to push your body up and out of
the murky water for fresh air. Instead, resistance is met by the surrounding
situation. You argue with the weight of the water and the brisk coldness of its
sharp waves. You refuse to be resigned to face fear. You have to take ownership
of every bit of your wits that could be of use. Emotion has to be set aside, so
resilience will persevere. You have to overcome what happened. So, too, did I
have to overcome the choices I had made, which put me at that spot, under the
overpass.
In the above paragraph, I don’t describe you as drowning.
Instead, I describe a seaman as drowning. It is a generic use, as a way to
personalize the paragraph which proceeds the above paragraph when found in my full
writing sample. It is written through descriptive means. By using the seaman, I
am able to reel the reader in to how the seaman reacts to his situation. Additionally,
two sentences (“Instead, resistance is met… and “Emotion has to be set aside….”)
could easily start with “You”, however that could over do my tactic. Those two
sentences read just as well with the “you” left out, while keeping it a “You-sentence.”
That gives the reader freedom to feel as you want them to feel, without questioning
how they got to that feeling.
To quote
Editor Brooke Warner, “The goal is to convey a bigger picture message—” (unquote.)
For me, “nonfiction
writing” is to provide a bunch of facts. But, “creative nonfiction” is to
describe those facts and more specifically, to impact my readers with a Takeaway
message.
Along
with the You Tube podcast video by Editor Brooke Warner, here are a few more resources
to go to for help in Takeaway.
A website
with many contributors who provide writing instruction, advice, and support.
CoSchedule
Blog
Scroll
down to “Put Your Audience First.”
Although
business centered, this blog has lots (and lots) of writing tips.
Strangers, A Short Story
Not a “how-to,”
but a fine example, in narrative form, is this older You Tube video. At about
five minutes long, the author, Justin Ryan Kim, effectively uses the “You”
statements, providing a heart-felt Takeaway message.
My
website, with my writing sample, as described above.
And of
course, a great podcast by one of my mentors—she likely doesn’t know how much
her messages from afar, have helped me. It is Editor Brooke Warner’s video that
jump started my way to think about a Take Away message for my readers. Takeaway:The Heart of Memoir, with Brooke Warner.
If you have any writing
samples to share, with the use of a Takeaway message, please let me know. Comments would be great. You can even subscribe to my blog—so to not miss each week’s
post in my writing process, for you to use. For the full story of my prologue—not
limited to my above, shared—see my website. 
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